Getting Your Shit Together

Getting out of your COMFORT ZONE and going into the #inergiZone

There is a lot we miss out on because we are too scared to do something. We are not scared because it is dangerous, we are scared because we don’t feel in control or we are out of our comfort zone.

This happens to me all the time …. it’s the downside to being single. I end up having to do alot of ‘things’ on my own. Not the easiest thing in the world to do. There’s a lot of ‘suck it up princess’ and ‘you know wot… fuk it’ moments that go on! SO here’s a recent example of just that!

It was a long weekend; traditionally a family weekend.. I had made plans to spend the weekend with a friend. The dog was booked in with the sitter; the Easter treats had been bought… chilli lime chocolate and hot cross buns.

Thursday night the ‘spanner’ text arrives; Friday morning a phone call and my Easter plans are ZIP. The dog has already been collected…and its Good Friday. SO, what to do!!

The pity party begins but no invites are sent out. Alone at Easter…. not even my canine companion. I decide very quickly that this party is not going to work…

So my pragmatic mind goes into overdrive. What can I do, that I normally can’t do easily with my beautiful dog around. Two things come to mind….paddle boarding and hiking where dogs aren’t permitted.

Its Easter so it’s a full moon. I have never done a night paddle on Great Lake Taupo. So that’s the plan for Good Friday evening. I’ve got the day to put my ‘flatpack’ book shelves together and I’ve done the paddle before so I know how long it’s going to take. I recharge my head torch, find my neoprene vest and my neoprene booties, charge my phone and GoPro and find my bike lights to go on my hydration pack.

It was an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING experience. This time I take note of where I ‘put in’, or the start of my paddle, or more importantly where I was going to get out on my return. Last time I didn’t and everything looked different from the lake coming back from a different direction. I ended up spending a while paddling up and down the shore line trying to remember what my view was when I had started my paddle and comparing to the view on return…rookie mistake. The shore line is trees with no signs saying ” EXIT HERE”!.

I went through all the possible risk scenarios, with the main one being….making sure I was visible to other vessels on the lake especially in the twilight zone.

There was no wind, there were just fishing boats and me. Around every corner is another jaw dropping backdrop lit by nature. My timing is EPIC and even with my many photo stops I manage to round the last corner to the WEST to watch the sun set….WOW.



Now its time to get home before it gets too dark. I turn to go home to see the MASSIVE FULL MOON coming up over Mt Tauhara just like a symphony.  

More photos, more #INergizone stuff where I’m just fizzing at mother nature.  I have a time frame though. I put my lights on my back pack and paddle home in awe of my life and how lucky I am.

Would it have been better with company…absolutely but that’s where smart phones, Instagram and Facebook come into play. I get to share my experience with…..whoever wants to share it with me.

….That was just PlanB

Saturday Plan C. This one takes a little more effort. The term ‘head fuk’ comes to mind. Going into the outdoors….alone. It’s something that I haven’t done in over  10 years, and it’s been longer since I’ve done it  by myself.

The Tongariro National Park is no place to take lightly, the weather turns quickly and being in the wrong place at the wrong time has ended lives.

I dust off my tramping pack, sleeping bag and liner, hunt out my cooker and gas, cooking and eating equipment. I’m so glad I’ve kept this stuff from ‘back in the day’!

Last year I invested in Salmon off road runners, so they will get their first REAL trial. I just needed to purchase a billy, which was the obvious casualty of shifts and lack of outdoor adventures in the last 10 years.

A quick trip, into the chaos of Easter Saturday downtown Taupo, to get a replacement billy . Outdoor gear is AMAZING now. My budget is small but the range is fascinating so I invest in my outdoors future on my credit card!! New socks, a quick squizz at the dehydrated food, which is definently not needed on this overnight trip and then off the supermarket.

Home to pack and cook real good wholefood, cos I can. I have room in my pack and so don’t have to sacrifice goodness.

Lunch and breakfast will be mini kumara, pea, red onion and feta frittata loaves. Dinner will be Udon noodle hot smoked salmon, Italian bean, mushroom and red onion stir fry with avo aoli!!!

And Up&Gos, 2 OSM and sachet coffee hazelnut lattes, such shit but GREAT for camping and tramping!! And to have on the cupboard when you run out of the other stuff!!!!

Many times during the day I was fighting my inner voice of doubt and low self esteem. Many times I made excuses, many times my pragmatic rational mind had to take over from my emotive, no confidence, low self esteem mind. You know the one: how can you possibly think you can do this, everyone is going to know you’re alone, everyone is going to wonder what’s wrong with you that you are alone, you’re going to have to meet people and justify your existence and who you are.

Rationalising this tough talk is actually easier than it seems, once you go through the checklist:

Do I want to do this….yes
Am I capable of doing this….yes
Do I have the equipment and the skill set to do this…yes
Will I pissed with myself if I don’t…yes
Is it just your mind fucking with you….yes
Will people actually care….no
And if they do, are they important to u….no
Will you ever see them again….no
Does it actually matter anyway….no

I tell you its exhausting sometimes and it takes rationality and the ignoring of that inner voice to not give up.

SO off I went, the 4wd road to Tukino was an absolute mess, rutted to beggary, but once I was committed I couldn’t turn back. SO with sweaty palms and a raised heart rate I tried to make the best decisions I could and It worked….to the surprise of the SUV that was already at the junction before me.

I was anticipating a 2.5 hour walk into the hut. The scenery was outstanding the wind was relentless and then came the rain and the drop in temperature. But I was prepared! Just when I thought I had one more hour to go I arrived at the hut….1.5hours later…BOOM.

I had passed a couple of groups on the track so I guess, what I think is a minimal fitness regime was definately enough. The cool thing about communal living spaces is that the people who arrive after you have no idea that you are alone and that you are trying to conquer those demons. The ones who are already there are so busy looking after themselves and their needs. They may wonder what your story is for a few seconds but don’t really give you a second thought. I always arrive with a smile and some sort of pleasantry and my forced confidence….that’s when you realise  that all that bullshit  you battled with all morning was all for nothing!!!!

Dinner was yummy, a few people chatted with me and commented on how young and fit I was  and that this would’ve been a breeze for me…..little did they know what this single almost 50yr old went through…or shall I say conquered in the process of getting to this point….And you know what, no one needed to know except for me.

The night was incredibly windy and raining and everyone had their turn at snoring. The sky’s cleared thought the night and the full moon lit up the hut. I was by the window so I had extra lumination!

We all woke to a stunning if not fresh Central Plateau day. I was told how lucky I was to have this on my doorstep and that I could just wander into this getaway for a night. This made me proud that regardless of my head space I didn’t allow that to stop me enjoying my environment that is so accessible to me.

My last challenge was the drive back down the rutted Tukino Access Road. The walk back was beautiful; no wind, great photos, and the best food. I was nervous about the drive down but as it turns out I didn’t need to be. When I rounded the last corner of my intrepid journey there was the cavalry, a massive digger repairing the road.

My last challenge was sorted, even if I did fuk up the drive down there was someone to help me. At the end of the day it’s better to be helped and feeling a little inadequate than to be stuck in some massive rut with no options. I was going to get home, in one piece, at some stage of today and that’s all that mattered.

The digger driver spotted me at the top of the road, so he turned his cab round and I got my escort off the hill. We had a chat and I think he was mildly impressed with this little olde Subaru driving middle aged chick that had gone into the Rangipo Hut by herself and who had successfully negotiated the ascent of this road the day before. The major ruts, that had been scoured out by the week of rain, actually housed the power cables to the ski field. It had potential to be an absolute disaster, where inadequacy would’ve been the least of my problems.


Now all there was for me to do was stop in at Burger King for a creamy cheeseburger, fries, coke and lava cake, then home for a shower and a rolling and yoga session to open up those old tight hips!!

I was proud that I had made the most of my weekend. I had broken up my pity party at a reasonable hour and I had actually ticked some substantial TO DO’s off my forever growing ‘to do’ list.

It didn’t matter what anyone else thought, it was what I thought of myself . The thoughts of fear, inadequacy and what will they think, that could have stopped me, now turned into thoughts of pride and accomplishment….

I was in my #INergiZone and that was what mattered.

May 24, 2018

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